21 February 2010

Perhaps It's That Simple

The other night, I was having a huge existential crisis. Since entering remission, I've felt my life in flux with serious lack of direction and purpose. Why did I survive cancer this bad, only to be brought to this place? Why? There's got to be a reason. I was crying for one.

Then, I was given wise counsel: "Maybe it's just as simple as having an excellent oncologist and you wanting to live."

It's very Zen.

But it may be that simple.

5 comments:

Karen said...

Oh, Friend, you've asked a good question: 'Why did I survive cancer this bad, only to be brought to this place?'

I find myself asking that question at times, too. Survivorship is often filled with praise and grief, perseverance and failure, singing and crying, all in the same day...

Maybe the real question is this: 'Why did I survive this bad - could it be that I am uniquely chosen to help someone else get to this place?'

I have only 'known" you for a couple of weeks, but already I am encouraged by your blog. Your recent sketch shows readers even more insight about who you are and what talent you possess.

Keep pluggin' along, sister, and remember that each of has has a 'purpose.' God uses us differently, at different times, and in ways that ultimately bring us to a new place where we see life from a totally different viewpoint.

Praying for you!

ce_squared said...

you are so kind, karen! thank you. i succumged the other night doubt and fear. it may have been physiological, pyschological, or even emotional. but it was bad. and you're right. the ride is unpredictable at best.

but today,i woked up and and am ready to walk again, despite questions on direction. :-)

thanks so very much for being such a great support.

here's a to new day.

bless you!
cxxx

Bonita said...

Dear Cece,
Slowly I'm going to post as soon as I figure out how to...
b.

Bonita said...

I've been reading an interfaith book lately that encourages one to embrace "mystery." Well....bullpoop. I constantly struggle to leave room for unanswered questions. I think it takes courage to sit in "I don't know" and pull up a chair in that very uncomfortable place. Mystery? I want answers.

As you know, Cece,I've succumbed to the fear. I have felt lost, losing my way both inside and outside. The chemo ride is over, the remission continues, and I so identify with your "now what."

I AM certain of this: of my affection and respect for you and that you are doing a very good thing with this blog and sharing your story.

ce_squared said...

thanks, b! i'm SO HAPPY to see you here. :-) i have my lapses of "now what?" but then i settle down and keep going. certainly, this won't be the last existential crisis. but we keep walking, don't we?

cxxx

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